Zombies

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[edit] Aberystwyth Computer Science Student's Zombie Survival Guide

Only to be used in the event of a post-apocalyptic situation

[edit] Preamble

The creation of this guide was commissioned by slightlymad, who upon hearing of tomcw's increasing levels of boredom on a Wednesday afternoon realised the dire need that such an article must be created and seized the opportunity to put the otherwise useless tomcw to work.

[edit] Introduction

These steps are only to be carried out in the event of a (potentially post-apocalyptic) zombie situation occuring in Aberystwyth. This article is primarily written for the Students of Aberystwyth University. Other users may wish to alter the given steps before carrying them out in order to avoid failure of epic proportions (a.k.a. infection/death). For example, computer scientists are not well known for their prowess at cardiovascular activity, therefore plans that involve lots of running should be avoided. In the event that this guide actually gets you killed, you probably read it wrong, although in any case you are going to be in no state to sue us.

[edit] Phase 1 - Identifying the severity of the Situation

The first important stage in any zombie situation is to identify the severity both locally and externally. An accurate understanding of the situation at hand is 'essential' in order to survive, therefore please do not underestimate the importance of this stage. Tactics of survival change depending on if it is a small scale outbreak, a longer one where eventually the zombies are dispersed or the zombpocalypse in which the entire world is overrun and though and end is possible, the majority of people are dead.

Things you should consider during this time are listed below.

  1. Don't Panic! Survival will be much easier if you have a clear head and use your brain.
  2. Don't take risks - if you're wondering if it's a good idea or not it probably isn't (this goes especially for welp).
  3. Alert the authorities if they are so far unaware - this will hopefully promote your survival and others'. Killing zombies is easier with helpers and the less attacked by zombies, the less infected and therefore the less you'll have to deal with later.
  4. Arm yourself. Any large blunt object will do, preferably a crowbar. Firearms are difficult to obtain within Aberystwyth however if you would prefer a more powerful weapon then the Llew Du would be your best port of call. There's a reason why no English people (alive) have claimed to have ever visited said pub. Careful with those weapons now, this is real life so don't cock about. There is also the university shooting club (ask welp for details). Long range zombie killing is advisable until you know how the 'infection' spreads.
  5. Do not immediately attempt to flee via train or bus if the zombies have spread to the general population, this puts you out in the open and possibly in a crowd - crowds are a major mistake so avoid them as best you can - these make escape harder in the crush of people and its harder to spot infected members in large groups.
  6. The most important thing to consider first is your own safety. You cannot guarantee the continued existence of others if you are eaten by a Zombie. So, find a safe place. Start with your own home, killing any Zombie housemates, please note that it may be difficult to tell the difference between a zombie and a hungover housemate. Therefore, this stage requires the utmost in care and attention in order to avoid any unfortunate mistakes (and legal hot-water).
  7. Now that you have established a safe location, it is time to start preparations for the near future. You will need to know the following:
    1. How many other Comp Scis have survived.
    2. Whether or not the problem is widespread.

The best place to start is by connecting to the internet. As an accomplished computer scientist this should not be a problem. Once having --connected to the internet, connect to the IRC. Please bear in mind that central may well be down, so it is an essential part of preparation that you have an IRC client installed locally on your system. Please ensure that one of the following clients is installed on your laptop:

Windows X-Chat http://www.silverex.org/download/xchat-2.8.6-2.exe
OS X Colloquy http://colloquy.info/downloads/colloquy-latest.zip
Unix irssi http://www.irssi.org/files/irssi-0.8.15.tar.gz
J2ME (most mobiles) JmIrc http://jmirc.sourceforge.net/jmIrc.jad
Android AndChat http://www.andchat.net/latest.apk
iPhone Colloquy mobile

From here you should be able to establish communication with other students in the area and get an idea of the situation across town. If you are unable to establish a connection to the internet, you will have to resort to more old-fashioned methods of communication. Now, I know this is difficult, after all we are computer scientists. However, please remember that sometimes desperate times call for desperate measures: You may have to speak to other people face to face.

  1. You should also gather other essential supplies such as food and drink and other useful items such as a knife and a flashlight. If Narcissus or The_Damned is in the building, you may want to pack condoms and lube for your own sake.

Well done! You have now identified the severity of the situation within Aberystwyth. Later on we will attempt to contact the outside world in order to establish how widespread the zombie infestation is. For now the next most important thing is establishing a centralised comp sci community within Aberystwyth.

[edit] Phase 2 - Establishing a base

A good base must have the following qualities:

As we are computer scientists, a good base must also have the following additional features:

The computer science wing of the Llandinam building covers all of these requirements. Therefore it is the optimum place to secure a computer science student community in the event of a zombie invasion, if you can reach it.

  1. Cleanse the building of any Zombies presently within. This will require an army of brave volunteers, since there are unlikely to be anyone brave or willing to work for nothing in your group of computer scientists, you're going to have to draw straws.
  2. Secure the entrances to the building. If the zombies do fancy nomming some comp sci brains, these will be their first ports of call. Therefore is is ESSENTIAL to ensure that the building is impenetrable. The main problem in the computer science wing is the automatic door at reception, be certain to disable it. Additionally doors connecting to other parts of the building should also be secured. Remember to keep access to the IS part of the building. There are plenty of handy servers there, as well as communications equipment which will be essential if people are to remain sane: Internet connectivity should be places as one of the highest priorities.
  3. In case of an emergency it is acceptable to sacrifice your least favourite computer science staff member in order to save yourself. However students from outside of the faculty of science should be the first to go as they don't do a real degree. (Drama and other arts first, then politics. Geographical and history degrees are mildly acceptable and potentially more useful later on. Anyone who is studying for a degree with 'science' in the title should be kept alive the longest, especially if they know immunology)
  4. The next stage is to establish living quarters. Depending on numbers it would be advisable to use the offices on the second and third floors as bedrooms, or perhaps the Delph as a dormitory. Using the ground floor for purposes other than storage should be avoided since it is most at risk from zombie infestation.
  5. It should be known that all take-aways (Marcos, Hollywood Pizza, Seafront Palace etc.) should be kept safe so as they can deliver much needed food whilst we survive... After all why hide from zombies if you die of starvation.
  6. An underground passage to the Ship and Castle would be advisable as a safe way to transport much needed alcohol to the Llandinam building. However for preparations for the future alcohol should be stored within the base. The Solarium would be the best location for this, since it is always freezing cold.

[edit] Phase 3 - Establishing Communication with other Survivors

Due to computer science having facilities available to contact the outside world, contacting other survivors would not be a problem. I suggest making sure DavePrice is kept alive so that if communication is broken, we have an expert on how to reconnect to the outside world.

In the event that internet connectivity cannot be established, other methods for long-distance communication should be used. This could include Amateur Radio or shouting very, very loudly.

Once contact has been established with the outside world, be sure to find out what the situation is. If it is widespread it may be best to remain in Aber, however should the zombies be confined to Ceredigion it may be advisable to evacuate by using either cars or the railway. Note: It may be a good idea to "borrow" a boat from the marina and escape to the possibly safer Ireland. REMEMBER if the zombies spread across the country, eventually all electricity supply and communications will fail. At this point, you may wish to keep yourself amused with more traditional pastimes such as playing The Game.

[edit] Living a Secure Life within the Aberystwyth Town Limits

[edit] Preparation and education

Surviving the zombies will be easier if you are prepared for the event before it happens. Skills you should brush up on if possible are:

[edit] For short term zombies:

+note that you will have to observe them and perfect the technique in the actual event

[edit] Longer Term:

++this also especially applies to compscis

[edit] Extremely long term

[edit] Books: (see websites:http://www.zombiebooklist.com/)

[edit] Comics:

[edit] Films and TV:

[edit] Games:

[edit] Websites and webpages:

[edit] Fitness